If you were a pokémon… I can tell why you haven’t been caught…
July 24th, 2010So apparently I don’t know… Ugh, I don’t get people. At times… People are really easy to understand, but like… The way their logic goes is… dumb. You can be the perfect guy that every girl says she dreams of, yet she’ll want nothing to do with you x.X. And she can say she’s madly in love with some guy yet date someone else who’s a complete jerk… Eh, guys do it to, but like, that’s for women to complain about.
And not all people are the same, but then, not all people are individuals, like, it feels like people are divided into groups, stereotypes almost lol. But not really like that. I mean, there’s traits that are common and people seem to be given traits to the point where once you find out all the persons traits they’re kinda… discovered. I guess it would kinda be like profiling? And it’s the people with changing traits that are the most interesting, but then, what will they change into? Can you control it, how well can you motion towards what they move into? And… Were they really changing traits, or were they just wearing a mask of a trait they wished they had? Like… Ugh IDK x.x I’m depressed.
So… I went to Cali for 2.5 weeks, had a blast staying at my aunts, then my uncles, hitting up all the views and all. Got to see my best friend from elementary school and we hit up so much stuff and played the same games we played when we were little lol (some more modern versions), which was pretty awesome. The one person I was hoping to see most, said I couldn’t see them lol. Even though they had free time. Eh x.x, well I didn’t get to see some other people too, but like, they were busy. I don’t know x.x;; lol, I guess it’s common courtesy to throw away people when you feel like it. UGH x.x my brains so messed up right now.
So apparently I’ve been continuously sulking for a few years now, even though I try getting out more, making new friends, etc. Or maybe it’s just on and off sulking idk x.x. I don’t get how to get along with people lol. I mean, you can try communicating, putting everything on the table, explaining things from your view point, and yet… none of it gets across. Or it does get across, but the person has no input other than like… get over it. It feels like I’m trash, and that if I voice how I feel, well… I’m trash so… it’s annoying. Or… like, I shouldn’t feel hurt, or something. Like, I get what you’re saying, and I get your view on things, but you don’t get my view on it, and you don’t understand my thinking. People are so in the short term, that long term is evil. Like, why is their a point in trying, if you should just go with the flow. Ya know, if I just went with the flow all the time x.X, I’d probably have lots of crap on my permanent record x.x;;. And I can’t ugh x.x, I’m done. I’ve tried saying it a thousand times, but never does it get through. No matter how long I’ve been there for you, or how long I’ve tried, once you’ve thrown me away, I’m just an annoyance lol. That is how things work lol, and you’re happier now x.X, and I should just be happy with that right. You were happy talking to me, but you’d throw me away, to get hurt, and then drift farther away, just to have me become an issue for pain lol, so I’m the bad guy now. And then you tell me that mister awesome, is the guy who made you cry and freak out last time we really talked lol, and I tried comforting you for what he did, but now I’m the bad guy. And I can’t freak out or worry. And I can’t see you cause I’m the dangerous guy x.X?
I get people, but I don’t get… them. I fell for you, and we were always there for each other, but then you disappeared, and I waited trying to be there for you, but I was already thrown out. I tried forcing myself to meet new people, but being generic for others is boring. And, I’ve become more cynical now =\, I call people out on everything, cause I feel that if I didn’t, they’d try to play me as if I were stupid. I miss how I was. And I want to go back lol. Psh x.x, and I tell everyone else to keep moving forward. I keep getting told how I should be done with you, and that I shouldn’t try to talk to you, and I should find someone else. But I know if I stop trying to talk to you, that we wouldn’t talk all together, and I sometimes wish, I never met you. Lol x.x, still no one reads these.
Other things x.x;; I went fishing. I’m back home. Schools starting in less than a month. And I really just kinda want to lay down and be done with everything x.x. I’ll try being more happy next time.